Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Musings from a contemplative mom

Mothers and Daughters– The Age Old Dilemma

by Cathy Nave

Am I the only one out there who has a twisted relationship with her mother? Who can go right back to that 8 year old girl place in a matter of seconds when visiting mom with the kids for a Sunday night dinner.

I guess part of this ongoing relationship re-definition and deliberation is coming to the realization that I may never have the wishful relationship with my mother that some gals appear to have. Take Sally Fields as mother on t.v. show Brothers and Sisters, for example. Now, that is another version of twisted but at least the relationships are for the most part… adult.

Maybe it’s because we come from an Italian family. The role of the mother in an Italian family is different. Mothers are the head of the household. The revered and respected. The dominant force as long as they live.

I understand my responsibility as her child is not to speak or have an opinion, or be a friend, but do my duty, help her when she needs it. Check on her. Bring her grandkids to see her. Take her guilt and move along my merry way.

I can’t spend too much time with my Mother. I have been trying to change her for years now but that isn’t going to happen. I know it intellectually. Must move through this and create my own version of mothering.

Fortunately for our generation we have more information available to us, we are open to more, or so I’d like to think. Thanks Oprah! In the end, the only thing I have control over is my own behavior and I choose not to be like my Mother. I am sure my kids will thank me one day!

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